What makes a good or bad person

I’ve always said that I’m a generally good person but recently I’ve discovered that may not be true when it comes to certain aspects of my life. Do I rape, murder or steal? No. Do I abuse my children or neglect them in anyway? No. Am I good friend who gives back to the relationship? Yes, well at least I think so. I don’t sound like a half bad person.

Then there is another side of me. It doesn’t affect (I have still to this day never figured our the basic principle of effect vs. affect) most of the things in my life: my kids, school, friendships and daily mundane life; however, it does effect (figured I would switch it up since I’m still not too clear as to which one is the correct term) intimate relationships. In this department I can be very bad.

My biggest problem is I lack any sense of romance for the most part. I never have been into it and I have strange ideas (so I’m told, they seem normal to me) on what is romantic. I’m also not big on feelings, expressing them or dealing with them from others. I tend to rather just be…actually I don’t know what I would rather be…but expressing feelings of love or tenderness is not my strong suit. I also tend to not stay in relationships long.

Those aren’t even the worst problems, they are just the ones I can discuss on a blog my kids and the rest of the people I know can see. Needless to say, I have much room to improve in this department. In which I have admitted and I’m more than willing to work on.

With all that being said, I still feel I’m generally a good person. I have bad qualities though. Isn’t this common though? Or are there people out there that don’t have bad qualities and who don’t do bad things? I feel so detached on what is and isn’t normal right now. I feel separated and like I should be cast out of society and forever made to relive my sins.

I believe that if you do something wrong you should have to face the consequences, I’m a mom. I don’t think I’m immune to these consequences. I’ve also been quite mad at someone and didn’t feel bad when they had to face the consequences of their actions. But isn’t there a difference between consequences and torturing a person for what they did? I can understand being mad and even being a bit spiteful, I’m guilty of it but what I don’t agree with, and admittedly am also guilty of, purposely hurting someone because they hurt you. I think this makes you just as bad as you think that person is.

I don’t think there is a simple definition of what kind of pain a person is suffering from being betrayed or hurt (emotionally is what I’m really referring to here). I don’t like to measure the amount. I prefer to think about what resulted from that pain: was the person heartbroken, was it just an injury to their pride or did they just shrug it off. I don’t think it matters so much the severity of the crime: lying, cheating or some other type of bad action but more so what it did to the person you were acting against and your knowledge of how it would affect (damn word) that person. If you cheated on someone, you’ve done a very bad thing and you will have to face your consequences. But I also think that if you know something will hurt someone and it will hurt them to the core of their being and you do it anyway, no matter what that bad thing is, you’re still a bad person.

There is a flaw to my thinking though because people can use this to manipulate one another. They can state that something will hurt them deeply if you do it and if you continue to do it, you don’t love them. That rationale can be overused and abused. And sometimes there is no way to avoid hurting someone you love. What the difference is if there is a way to avoid it, a compromise that you and the other can make that may not make you both 100% satisfied but could get you both half-way there, and that’s the option you take. That is what makes a good person to me. A good person that had to make a hard decision.

I know I’m babbling and I’m sure if you’re reading this you realize that A.) there is a story behind this and B.) I have no intention of telling that story. For that I apologize. My whole point is what matter matters to me is what good people do when they are faced with hard and sometimes bad decisions that have the potential to hurt someone around them. I don’t think you’re a bad person until you have weighed all options and taken the one that will hurt the people around you the least. Sometimes hurt can’t be avoid and sometimes life just really sucks. But before you call someone a bad person or even a bad name, make sure the pain you’re causing by saying that doesn’t make you a bad person too.


5 thoughts on “What makes a good or bad person

  1. I don’t believe anyone is all good and very few are all bad…it’s a balancing act to keep our good parts outweighing the bad. And making peace with our good intentions that sometimes work out badly. And although I’m missing the biggest point here, it helps me to remember the affect is a verb and effect is a noun. Or the other way around, maybe…

    • See I’m not the only person who doesn’t know that basic rule.

      I must admit this blog was written on no sleep and pain meds, so admittedly there may not be a point on it. I could very well not have had one.

      I guess to sum it up, I think people put too much thought into who is a worse person. With the exception of violent crimes, I’m not sure if there is a way to accurately measure which type of pain someone causes is the worst. Different things affect (moohaa) people differently. For example, if one person got really upset about a person cheating sexually while other person got more upset about a person cheating emotionally. So my thought is that it’s not so much the act that you commit that makes you a bad person but your knowledge of how it effect the people involved.

      I will apologize if I still don’t make any sense.

      (Edited for typos. Man I didn’t make sense today)

      • No apologies necessary, I totally get you. The world would be a better place if people would concern themselves with their own actions rather that judging others.

  2. way to make me think. i am guilty as charged. it hurt so bad to be betrayed that i have been judging himand quite a few know that he is remarried even though we arent divorced yet. i think the only way to get past him is to let go of the bitterness before it destroys me. i know you were talking about your situation but you helped me too. thanks

    • I think you have every right to be mad over your situation. What you have to realize is he isn’t worth being mad over. I don’t think there is anyone who would fault you for being devastated but it won’t get you anywhere and you are too wonderful of a person to waste on the likes of him.

      And if he is married, hopefully the law will catch up with him.

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