Even though the week isn’t over, I don’t think I will have the time this weekend to write. After discussing this with others, I think blogging is a good outlet for me. It’s like an online diary. I don’t know why this is such a release for me or why I don’t seem to mind it being so public. With all that being said, I don’t know where I’m going to go with this post but I feel I should write it. Don’t worry I’m not going to get deep.
I suppose the title of this blog might be a little confusing and makes it seem like I was becoming polyamorous. I’m NOT!!!!! I did however start watching a new show on ShowTime about it. I’m not interested in the lifestyle at all but it is interesting to see a different type of relationship. I believe whatever two (or more) consenting adults do in a relationship is their business. But I think a lot of people find the idea of polyamory alluring on a sexual basis but they don’t get that these relationships are extremely complicated.
This show brought up some interesting issues that the people on this show and other polyamorous people are going through. I guess the lifestyle is interesting to me, but interesting like watching something get eaten by a lion, I love watching it on TV but I don’t want to be anywhere near that lion. Mixed in with their polyamorous lifestyles is a large amount of commitment similar to a monogamous relationship but with more options. I don’t know if that even makes sense.
Basically, there is a couple who decides to bring more people into a relationship. To me it sounds like one big swinging affair and I still believe in a way it is but polyamorous people are a lot more vested in their partners as opposed to swingers. I’m no expert on any of this, its just my opinions and I could be completely wrong or any variance of right or wrong. I’m not even sure why I decided to write about this tonight other than it was really interesting.
Now to the rest of my week, lots of ups and downs. The most life changing is that almost all my anxiety is gone. I don’t worry as much about the small things (the large things I think I SHOULD worry about). Its a great weight lifted off my shoulders. Looking back to my Grandma’s life, I know she suffered from anxiety too. I saw what it did to her and I know it negatively effected her (Again with the affect and effect). I don’t want that happening to me. She didn’t live long enough and I don’t want that happening to me. I know what she is missing in her kid’s life and it kills me to think I won’t be around to see that stuff going on in my kid’s life.
I’ve been thinking about Don a lot lately. I realized today that I’m older than he made it to be. That’s a surreal feeling. I try not to focus on the fact that he is gone and just remember the good things he accomplished while he was alive. He changed my life for the better and to this day ensures that I’m able to take care of my daughter and niece. That is so important to me. I still miss him so much.
So the major things that went on in my life are me realizing how awesome it is not to live with anxiety, appreciating Don, appreciating what I have in front of me and doing more to ensure I am more successful in school. I’ve gone through so much to just mess up in the middle.