I’ve officially made it through the holidays! (Yes, I know New Year’s hasn’t happened but generally there is no family involved with that.) This year actually went surprising well, with little to no drama other than a person who doesn’t think before she speaks. I’m rather pleased with the outcome.
Natalie got the American Girl Doll she has wanted forever (actually for only about two months. Which is really weird because she’s never wanted any doll of any sort before) and Grace got good old cash. Which is something she really wanted.
I got a car stereo for Christmas which I installed myself (surprised even me, I figured I would be in the market for a new car) and I’m extremely happy because now I can hook my iPhone up to it without having to find a radio station for my stupid FM transmitter thing. Now, I’m just sitting at the house waiting for school to start and grateful that I have a few more weeks without it. Even though I’m going insane with how bored I am.
Over the holidays a few topics on religion have came up. Mostly about how people are thankful for their religion and how they are celebrating their particular beliefs in their own ways. I love speaking to people about their beliefs and don’t mind even discussing my own as long as the topic doesn’t get heated and hate isn’t spewed. Unfortunately, I think for a lot of people it’s hard not to get into a heated debate over ones own beliefs and that is what turns most people off from discussing it at all.
For me one discussion didn’t turn out so great and there was intolerance being thrown from both sides of the table. These are the discussions I hate the most. They typically involve two people who feel their way is the only way and anyone else is either dumb or an awful person. Even though I didn’t actively participate in the conversation and instead stood to the side trying to keep the blood shed to a minimum, I noticed that it wasn’t just one side being guilty of intolerance but BOTH sides. To me this is counter productive for both parties and a giant waste of time.
The most common argument I see is for religious freedom and it seems most people are stating they want it. Where it becomes a problem is when people are asking for religious freedom but don’t understand that it means for everyone and every religion, not just for them and their religion. People ask for prayer in school but don’t want other religions to be able to practice their own form of prayer and worship. How does this even make sense to people? Why does it seem okay to call yourself a religious person and then practice hate and intolerance? It doesn’t seem to me (and I am by no means an expert on religion) that intolerance and hate is taught in any religion. So why does this make you a good practitioner if your own religion condemns it?
I suppose all of this is sort of confusing for me and hard to put together like a puzzle. I think the lesson I’ve learned is family gatherings are no place for politics and religion.
I don’t really have anything to say and no pictures to post but I haven’t posted in so long. Most of the blame for that is I’m actually trying to better in school and I don’t really have time. The other thing is my life has become so out of whack. Chaotic is an understatement. My life isn’t the only thing that has become chaotic since I last posted, apparently the world has become seriously (more so than before, I suppose) messed up.
The school shootings in Connecticut effected me horribly as I know it did most people. People say it’s because I’m a mom but I don’t think that’s it. I think like the rest of the world, I was in shock and couldn’t understand how any of this could be happening. I wish there was more I could say. Some way to express my feelings about what happened. I honestly just don’t know how. I’m just so glad for my kids.
My life has been pretty boring lately. I always seem to be studying or taking a test. On top of all that I seem to have developed a bug that just won’t go away and I am either vomiting or in bed thinking about vomiting. On a good note, I’m done with school until after the holidays and I passed everything. So I’m not a complete failure, just a giant bore.
I feel like I did back in 2010, which isn’t a bad thing. I was more together back then. I felt like I knew where I belonged and where I was going. For the last couple years, I haven’t felt like that. I’ve felt lost, scared, alone and that I couldn’t do anything right. For almost two weeks, I’ve felt different, better but different.
I keep telling myself that school is worth it. It is!! Being a typically rational person I know that I need to stop procrastinating, stop reading other blogs, stop writing on my own blog and just study. I know tomorrow I’m going to pay for not studying and I’m going to feel awful. I will then make myself a promise (which I won’t keep) to study better and not get behind again (which I will). I’ve even gone as far as taking pictures of my book instead of opening it.
I’ve been doing research on how to make my blog better so maybe people will read it. I just really would like some input on whether other people are in the same situation as me. That is a hard task because I don’t even know what situation I am in. This almost sounds like I’m complaining but I’m really not. Outside of a few things like being a huge procrastinator, I’m in a pretty good place.
I had to get pneumonia too. On top of that, I had to prepare Boeuf Bourguignon for Squarepant’s birthday. I didn’t mind at all. It was a pretty good experience even if I had to wear a mask while I was doing it. Both of the girls loved it and thats pretty hard to do, score. Now, back to reality.
The fantasy of being able to have a normal, well sort of, life while blogging about my journey through some extravogant venture like cooking all the recipes in an extremely old cook book à la Julie Powell, is not realistic. Falling asleep at 6pm due to a codeine coma and not being able to study Chemistry is a bit more realistic in Jessland. Whose idea was it for me to go back to school again? Don’t say mine, I simply won’t believe you and will be forced to block you from my blog. Silly Jess, no one really reads this anyway. 🙂
That’s what my life feels like right now. I’m not complaining though and for the most part, no matter how hectic it may feel, everything that is happening is a good thing. I’m pretty happy with the place I’m at in life right now.
That being said, the bad things that have happened suck pretty bad. The worst being my cousin Mike dying on Wednesday. I have a lot of regrets concerning Mike, the main one being how far apart we got over the years. In my mind there didn’t seem like a huge rush and now I know that wasn’t true. I’m glad he started coming over here more and that I got to meet his wife Jan.
I feel like the last year was a waste and I’m glad that I’m back in school. Having a goal keeps me more focused on what’s important. So far this year I’ve really come to term with how short life can be. I thought I understood when Don died but now I’ll be turning 30 in May and people I grew up with are passing away. All of this is wearing pretty hard on me. I know I’m not old and I probably have years left, hopefully decades, but its a shock to my system to come to term with how much time has already passed.
I have to let go of things and even people who are slowing me down or making things more difficult for me to go further in life. Its actually kind of shocking to see how many things and people I’ve had to let go. I know this makes me seem cold, heartless but I tried it the other way, I tried fixing the problems and it doesn’t work.
Man this blog is even starting to bore me. I had this desire to write, explain things that were going on in my life but all I seemed to manage was to write another boring post. Boo.